Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The top 10 Greatest Cleavage Moments In TV History

America has been patient long enough and I think it's time we all work together to make a 24-hour "Cleavage Channel" on Direct TV a reality. If we all contribute a little money or sign one of those petition things we can finally start watching quality TV shows like Battlestar Booblactica, It's Always Cleavagey In Philadelphia and everyone's favorite sports news show Cleavagecenter. For the price of a cup of coffee a day, we can finally feed our cleavage-hungry souls.

#10 Tiffani Amber Theissen (Beverly Hills 90210) - America truly enjoyed watching Kelly Kapowski grow into a woman and become "Kelly Boobwowski."




#9 Julia-Louis Dreyfuss (Seinfeld) - Sure it was small cleavage but it was "Elaine" cleavage. It's cleavage Seinfeld fans waited over eight years to see.

#8 Marla Sokoloff (The Practice) - All I can say is that Marla continues to have some of the most underrated hooters in Hollywood and James Franco is a lucky, lucky man.



#7 Alyssa Milano, Rose McGowan & Holly Marie Combs (Charmed) - With so much Charmed cleavage over the years a "Charmed cleavage montage" is the only thing that could possibly do all that witch cleavage justice.



#6 Jennifer Love Hewitt (Ghost Whisperer) - What Ghost Whisperer viewers don't understand is that Jennifer Love Hewitt's character doesn't actually know how to communicate with the dead. They just follow her around all the time so they can look at her cleavage.


5 Jessica Simpson (That's 70's Show) - The world sure was a better place when Jessica was in her hotness prime, wasn't it?

#4 Cindy Margolis (The Howard Stern Show) - The former "most downloaded woman in the world" always loved sharing her wonder twins with Howard.


#3 Stephanie McMahon (WWE Raw) - The WWE has had it's share of epic cleavage over the years, but all of that cleavage gets body-slammed by Stepanie's monster hooters.


#2 Nikki Cox (Unhappily Ever After) - Nikki may look like The Joker now, but she was the queen of TV cleavage during her brief stint as Tiffany on Unhappily Ever After.



#1 Salma Hayek (Ugly Betty) - Salma doesn't have breasts anymore, they're actually melons. That's because it literally looks like she had two honeydew melons surgically implanted on her chest and honeydew is delicious.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The top 10 Sexiest Babes From Dancing With The Stars

Watching a man dance is a horrifying thing but if he's got a beautiful women in a skimpy dress dancing next to him it kinda makes up for it. While I can honestly say that I've never watched one episode of Dancing With Stars in my entire life, I think the key to watching the show is to focus on the hot girl dancing in a low-cut dress. If you don't and lose focus for one second you're going to see a has-been actor or athlete dancing and nobody needs to see that.


#10 Willa Ford - The self-proclaimed "Bad Girl of Pop" took her bad girl act onto the third season of DWTS. Willa was eliminated in the 5th week of the show and returned to doing the bad girl stuff that she normally does.



#9 Julianne Hough - The only two-time winner of DWTS, Julianne competed with her boyfriend Chuck Wicks. Julianne also hold the record for "worst boyfriend schmoopy talk" on a reality television series.


#8 Rachel Hunter - The former SI swimsuit model is officially a reality TV addict appearing in over six reality shows to date including DWTS. Oh, and did I mention how much I hate Rod Stewart's music?


#7 Shannon Elizabeth - Shannon competed in the sixth season of DWTS and apparently got a little feisty with the judges when she was elminated. So that means she's a hot chick who likes to play poker who has a feisty side... you know, the perfect woman.


#6 Shandi Finnessey - The fomer Miss USA 2004 competed in the 2007 season of DWTS and was eliminated in the second week of the competition. Shandi can now be seen on reruns of the highest rated game show "Lingo" on the Game Show Network with Chuck Woolery. I think we all know why it's the highest rated show on GSN and it's not because Woolery wears tight pants.

#5 Stacy Keibler - Staci shook the best booty in the entertainment business during the second season of DTWS. Unfortunately she refused to do the Rump Shaker or the Tootsie Rool and I think it cost her the championship.



#4 Brooke Burke - Brooke temporarily broke the hearts of bikinis all over the world when she took a bikini break and won the seventh season of DWTS. Now if we can only find a way to convince ABC to do a Dancing With The Stars: Bikini Nights spinoff we just might have a dance show worth watching.


#3 Joanna Krupa - Joanna is appearing on this season of DWTS and we can only hope she somehow manages to get into a fist fight with Chuck Liddell and officially end his fighting career.



#2 Josie Maran - One of the hottest supermodels in the history of planet universe, Josie was part of the first couple eliminated from the 2007 season of DWTS so she could back to letting people take hot pictures of her for a living.



#1 Kelly Monaco - The former Plaboy Playmate and star of the greatest Playboy lifeguard photo shoot I have ever seen won the first season of DTWS. Kelly then decided to continue dancing and starred in Peepshow, a burlesque show where she plays "Bo Peep" a precocious character who discovers her sexuality throughout the show. Makes perfect sense to me.